Last night, I saw this guy's buttcrack:

Up close and personal. We had amazing "seats". (It was a General Admission show, so we stood for 3 hours on a gym floor. But I didn't care because we were in the very front. And it was a.w.e.s.o.m.e.)
















I wasn't a huge fan of seeing his crack but the show was unbelievable. Best show I've seen in a long, long time.

But, Adam, next time, please pull up your pants.

Get out of my head.

Today I give you a list of random things.

* How is there so much trash in my yard? When the snow started falling last December, there was no garbage anywhere on my grass. Now that the snow has melted, it's everywhere. Seriously. Empty soda bottles, random lengths of rope, plastic bags and all sorts of other random crap. What the hell? How did it get under the snow?!

* When did it become acceptable for a group of people to go out to dinner together and seven of the 12 are text messaging, one is talking on the phone, one is reading a book, and one is staring off into space? Please check my math but I do believe that this leaves exactly two out of twelve people to actually carry on a real conversation.

* My desk is a mess and it is seemingly impossible for me to keep it clean and organized. This bothers me.

* Hey, guy who represents all of the people who used to be Real World and Road Rules cast members... you're creepy. I don't want to discuss what our children would look like if we had babies together. Also, here's a piece of advice for you. If you are trying to flirt with college students, which is just plain wrong, by the way, telling one that she looks like a "hot mess" is certainly not going to score you any points.

* Mr. Belding. You remember him? He's getting old. And even sadder, students who are currently freshmen in college don't really know who he is. This means that I am getting old, too.

* When driving down the freeway in a rental van and the hubcap flies off one of the tires, don't pull over onto the shoulder and contemplate running back to pick up said hubcap. Just keep driving.

* Similarly, when driving a 12-passenger van that claims the clearance is 7'2" it's best not to attempt to drive into a parking garage that has a clearance of 7' exactly. Oh, you'll definitely be able to fit, but you will be *thisclose* to the ceiling.

* Spring. Where are you? I miss you. Please come back soon.

Hooked on phonics worked for me!

I am beyond irritated. Will someone please tell me what is confusing about the following sentences? This is an excerpt from an email I sent out at 6:00 today.

"If this is something that interests you, please don't contact me! I'll be out of the office the next two days. Email Jane Doe and tell her you're available. Her email is... (Or you can just reply to her address; I've cc'd her in on this.) She'll give you the specific details. She needs to hear from you by 5:00 tomorrow (Thursday) so respond quickly."

Seems pretty obvious right? If you're interested, contact Jane Doe. NOT me. Want to know how many people I've had respond to me to tell me they're interested? How about 5? And the email only went out three hours ago so I'm sure there are more to come.

My favorite response so far, and I wish I was making this up,

"OMG I'm interested!!!!!

and if you could pass this on to Jane Doe that would be awesome

Let me know the details."

Are you KIDDING me?! No, I will not pass this on. Yes, I probably could do it for you but you clearly read what I wanted you to do and you blatantly ignored it. So to you I say, hell to the no.

No free lunch for you.

If only I had the courage

My boss apparently loves April Fool's Day. My understanding is that he pretty much lives for it. A few weeks ago I came up with a great joke to play on him.

I knew boss man was going to be out of town at a conference on April 1. So my plan was to send him an email telling him that I just can't take it anymore and need to give my two weeks' notice. I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever have this idea but I did think it was pretty damn funny. The email wasa pretty much composed and I was close to hitting the 'send' button.

But then I chickened out.

My fear? I was afraid that his reply would be something along the lines of, "Go ahead and pack your things. You don't need to come back to the office tomorrow."

I decided I sort of want to keep my job.

Because Greg told me to.

Thanks for reminding me that many of the links on the "Blogs I Stalk" section were dead, Greg. I've changed the addresses for a few, removed the dead links and even added a blog or two. Oh and I changed the layout. What do you think? Does it make me look fat?

Excuse me while I pat myself on the back

but I just went for a run and managed to crank out 3.2 miles! Considering I haven't run in, I don't know, probably a year or 10, I am damn proud of myself. I won't bother telling you my pace because you, yes you, probably could have walked it faster than I ran but I don't care.

Perhaps this is exactly what I needed to get myself out of this slump. Exercise. Endorphins. Energy. I can't think of any other "E" words but you get what I'm saying. It felt awesome! If only I could bottle up how great I feel right now and pull it out tomorrow when I'm feeling too lazy to exericse, life would be perfect.

Alas, I can't. So I'll probably stash the running shoes in the closet for another year... or 10.

My love list

I'm in a rut. I'm cranky all the time, tired, have no motivation to do much of anything and am sick of the weather. I've been making an effort to not let myself succumb to the grumpiness that seems to find me everyday. In an effort to focus on the positive, today I give you a list of things that I love.*

The first few rays of sunshine after a particularly long series of dreary, cloudy days. Laughing. The Rocky Mountains. Helping a student work through an "issue". Hearing someone say "thank you". Felicity. The smell of clean clothes and the warmth of said clean clothes as they come out of the drier. Rock climbing. Casual Fridays. Long weekends. Spending time with old friends. Holding a baby. Cuddling. Road trips. Jon's mp3 player. Mullets. Hearing a song on the radio that brings back old memories. A good microbrew. Walking into the house after a long day of work and seeing that Jon has made dinner for me. Homemade ice cream. Hoodies, fleece socks and yoga pants. Reading a good book. Caribou coffee. Kisses on the forehead. An unexpected compliment. Yoga. Photographs. The tulips in my front yard. Satin edging on a warm blanket. Giving someone a gift. Burt's Bees chapstick. Making friends in the most unexpected places (aka the Internets). Alone time. Flip flops.

It's a start. There's tons more to add but I'll save it for another post. Now it's your turn. What's on your love list?

*I stole this idea from Life and Times. Thanks Sierra!

Creative Writing

Tonight Jon and I each composed a letter as we were shoveling yet another 12 hundred feet of snow. Mine went something like this,

"Dear Mother Nature.

Enough already. We get it. TIA."

Jon, on the other hand, his letter was much more eloquent:

"Dear Mother Nature,

Suck it."

I couldn't have said it better myself.